Recreants

The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭13‬:‭12

I never expected to become comfortable with crummy habits.

I didn’t think I’d ever succumb to living in the shadows, in a half-light.

But it’s a testament to the slow decay of good intentions that I drifted far away from any of my best laid plans.

I’m typically the one who wants to pick both things. I don’t like giving up something for the pursuit of something else.

This entire Progress & Perfection project was born while I was also pursuing another completely separate side project.

Either would have been better, or at least fuller, had I put all my efforts into one or the other.

But no, I am still stubborn.

In my drinking, the consequences were more than mere slower progress.

I wanted the good life I knew to be right as well as the exploration of taboo things I knew would be fun.

I wanted friends that would stand by me as well as those who would cosign trouble with me.

I wanted freedom to choose my own pursuits and freedom from guilt.

I suppose we all have to find our own ways through trial and error to a degree, but I wish I’d had the foresight to not have gone so far into the night that the day nearly blinded me when I woke up.

The moments of clarity that led to me cleaning up were stark. They woke me up. But they weren’t enough to cure me. That took action on my part and help from others.

The first steps into the light were still shadowed.

God, help me keep walking forward.

Cheers, Eamonn
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