Happy Terrors

thousand-year whispers

TRUTH

For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night.

Psalm‬ ‭90‬:‭4

REFLECTION

The temptation is to dismiss these truths of the scale and scope of God.

When it comes to the infinite, the choice is terror or denial. There are shades in between, but what else can we make of it?

Awe tends toward the terror of the truth of the glory of God while apathy leans on the denial of any of it.

I’ve danced in both camps and I’m sorry to say that I find myself drifting to apathy even today.

It’s not the cold apathy that binds me against goodness and truth. It’s the warm dismissal of important things in favor of more pressing matters.

I am distracted. And in this mix-up, I am redirected toward my own machinations.

They aren’t evil.

They’re subtly corrosive.

They’re the sum of my desires.

They’re rooted in this world and in my strivings.

This is a flavor of the mental screwups that opened the doorway to my addiction.

It’s human. Not in a good way. But it is common.

I get so off kilter that I need something to ground me, and I want something to satisfy me.

And I want it to be easy.

Luckily, the way back is simple if not easy.

In the moments of weakness, I need a good shock of terror to remind me of how small I really am.

I need a good dose of reality—the reality that infinite grace flows from infinite God. And somehow, miraculously, it’s given freely to me.

God, thank you for the terror.

SPONSOR

Progress & Perfection is written on Notion, the happier workspace. I’ve been using Notion to organize these daily writings since December 2023. Try Notion now.

NEXT

When you’re ready, here are some tools for you:

  1. Book List (amazon link)
    Some of my favorite reads related to recovery and/or wrestling with faith.

  2. 4th Step Guide (free download)
    A PDF with instructions and worksheets for a thorough 4th step. Straight from the Big Book. Fearlessness not included.

  3. 12-Step Christianity (YouTube)
    My thoughts on the parallels between discipleship and sponsorship.

KEEP LEANING FORWARD

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Cheers, Eamonn
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