Staying Dead

TRUTH

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians‬ ‭2‬:‭20 ESV

REFLECTION

We don’t go around talking about being crucified very much.

Maybe it’s a brief bit in a three-point Sunday school lesson now and then, but the deeper, life-giving reality usually is left in the word as soon as we close it.

I immediately think of the Monty Python scene: “I’m not dead yet!”

This is how, if I’m not careful, I can still be living my life. It’s certainly how I was when I arrived in bad shape to recovery.

I was by all outside measures a victim of my own delusions that I could manage ok by simply doing what I wanted. I was chasing fulfillment in substances. And I was dead but denying it.

The first step is the freeing step into the sunlight of truth: “I am dead.”

I didn’t want to admit defeat any more than the next person, but when I did, it became apparent that there was an ocean of life I could tap into which I’d previously ignored and then shut the door on altogether.

The second step moves past admission and into a harder truth: “I need help.”

I don’t just need to stop or refrain from whatever vices I typically turn to; I actually require a rebirth into a new creation about which I know enough to distrust the process from the onset. I’m a doubter.

The absence of addiction does not necessarily equate with the presence of recovery. The absence of the problem only enters the realm of a lasting solution when I begin to replace the one with the other.

It’s a real pickle with spiritual matters too. Because apparently, though I have agency in my life, I’m ultimately dependent on God to do these things in and through me.

One thing reigns true, though. To continue down the path I was on leads certainly to darkness and death. I’d like to live in the light even if it means giving up my former self.

God, help me stay dead.

SPONSOR

Reflection and gratitude are invaluable in recovery. Gratitude Plus is a social gratitude journal with an anonymous global feed. Try Gratitude Plus now.

NEXT

When you’re ready, here are some tools for you:

1. Book List (amazon link)
   Some of my favorite reads related to recovery and/or wrestling with faith.

2. 4th Step Guide (free download)
   A PDF with instructions and worksheets for a thorough 4th step. Straight from the Big Book. Fearlessness not included.

3. 12-Step Christianity (YouTube)
   My thoughts on the parallels between discipleship and sponsorship.

KEEP LEANING FORWARD

Cheers, Eamonn
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