Centrifugal

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭7‬:‭18‬

It took me a lot longer to get sober than I would have thought.

I certainly had the desire to do so in many moments throughout a long period of time before actually getting around to it.

Those desires weren’t insincere.

They were simply too short lived.

Addiction produces in me an astonishingly hard head and a devastatingly weak resolve.

After another day of active drinking or using, I recede into a particularly tough sort of self-pity.

It’s usually enough to make me examine what I’ve just done and start leaning towards other options.

It’s even enough to make resolutions in the moment sometimes.

But I have a short memory.

I fail to realize that I’ve done this before.

I’m repeating the same pattern, and I continue to do it alone.

Relapse is just daily living when I don’t bring proper help into my meager plans.

Nothing changed till I reached outward for help.

God may rescue some through miraculous moments of isolated confession, but he rescued me when I asked someone for help.

And it didn’t stop there.

In fact, I drank again after the first time.

But it was a matter of days before I began the journey into the center of sobriety.

And the center of sobriety is crowded with other people.

I’m not going to survive on my own.

God, help me stay willing to be around others.

Cheers, Eamonn
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